Cultural views on marriage and romance:

• Finding your soul mate
• Finding someone who will accept you just the way you are
• Finding someone who will bring you personal fulfillment and happiness

"In modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting...who help each of them attain valued goals"
- New York Times columnist in 2010

Marriage isn't just a human institution, it was created by God.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:18, 20-25

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Genesis 1:28

Marriage in the creation story was created for:

• Community, companionship and friendship
• Family
• Sex
• Co-stewardship and mission

In a world full of sin and brokenness after the fall, marriage takes on a redemptive purpose as well.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:25-27

Bottom Line

Marriage is a crucible for learning to love like Jesus.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus
Philippians 2:3-5

"In this passage Paul tells us that selfishness can't be managed, it needs to be crucified, and that Christlikeness is one of the goals of our journey together. A needs-based approach to marriage will usually spawn resentment, frustration, bitterness, and alienation when we discover the other person can't truly meet our needs as we would like them to.
But if we're looking for something else in our marriage - spiritual growth, a place to learn how to love, an opportunity to have our sin revealed so that it can be confessed, repented of, and discarded - then we'll value even the frustrating aspects of this intense relationship.
I've found that many couples think they resent each other, when in fact what they really resent is marriage...The life long relationship between a man and a woman is tailor-made by our Creator to teach us about selflessness, forgiveness, perseverance, humility, and many other necessary virtues."
- Gary Thomas

"It's not until we crucify our pride and take on the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus that we can participate in marriage as God designed it - as a human relationship between two sinners in which our Redeemer hopes to fashion two saints."
- Gary Thomas

Action Steps

Prayerfully reflect on the following questions:

• Which cultural vision of marriage are you most tempted to buy into? (business partner, stable family, soul mate, acceptance, personal fulfillment & happiness)
• How might this be doing bad work in your life?

If you're not married:‍

• How would your posture towards your current relationships change if you viewed them as opportunities to practice loving like Jesus?

If you're married:

• Talk to your spouse about how your relationship is going.
• Are you tending to your own formation?
• Are you growing in your ability to self-sacrificially love each other?
• Are there any lingering issues that need to be worked through so you can enjoy marriage more fully?